Cobwebs

It's been months since I've blogged, 6 months to be exact.  I've even contemplated whether I wanted to come back to this blog.  Somehow, with life being as it is, it seems petty, inconsequential.  The last six month have been downright shitty.  In six months I've stared death in the eyes as Lucca seized, my husband lost his job, I moved out as my marriage fell apart and my best friend was diagnosed with brain cancer.  It's been full of pain, sorrow, grief, self-doubt, numbness, anger, self-destruction and fear.  It's effected my family, my friendships, my motherhood, my creativity and my career.  And although some days I wasn't able to see life's gifts as they were presented, I'm starting to pull the cobwebs away and see light.  I've realized that within the darkness, small treasures lie waiting to be discovered.  

Lucca crushed the monkey bars.  He now can tie his shoes all on his own.  He loves walking on opposite sides of the street, proving his independence.  He learned how to read and write and can chop parsley like a boss.  I got the directors choice in a gallery show.  My best friend and I can still laugh at our inappropriate jokes and dish on life.  Through her illness, my friendships have a new richness as we navigate this journey together.  And yesterday I shot six rolls of film, which was the first day inspiration has found me since November.  These small gifts are lifting my spirit.

 

So, is this blog petty, inconsequential?  Only if I don't show up authentically.  I've hesitated blogging, because what I had to write wasn't happy or pretty.  But, if I'm not willing to be vulnerable and honest about my life, how can I ever ask that of others?  At the end of the day, this is life.  My life.

 

Joshua Tree part one // Fine Art Photographer

I had this idea to plan a retreat with some photographers I admire in hopes to soak up some of their knowledge and talent.  That was the plan, and that definitely happened.  What I hadn't planned on was meeting lifelong friends who's instant bond didn't need explaining, a group of people who understood and accepted me.  They are insanely talented, perfectly crazy, hilarious, supportive, inspiring and honest.  It was an incredible experience, one that left me with loads of memories, inside jokes, photos, friends and a new annual tradition.  They are my elephants, the video at the end will explain why.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=1G4isv_Fylg

 

Letter to Lucca // Fine Art Photographer

 

My dearest Lucca,

You are growing up so quickly, and I haven't written you in a while.  You are such a loving, affectionate, vibrant little boy.  You have a zeal for life, a curious mind and a strong soul.  You are stubborn and emotional, both of which will serve you well in life.  You are our herder dog, always wanting everyone to be together and happy.  You love superheroes, bugs, soccer, reading and snuggling with a movie.  You are learning how to spell and can do double digit addition.  I love watching you grow, each day brings new conversations and milestones.

Thank you for always helping me cook, letting me take copious amounts of photos of you, dancing with me in the kitchen, picking me flowers and being my partner in any adventure.  Thank you for trusting me to hold your vulnerable, tender side.

I am so blessed to be your mother.  You are perfect, just as you are my crazy one.

Love you to the moon and back.

Mom.