Cobwebs

It's been months since I've blogged, 6 months to be exact.  I've even contemplated whether I wanted to come back to this blog.  Somehow, with life being as it is, it seems petty, inconsequential.  The last six month have been downright shitty.  In six months I've stared death in the eyes as Lucca seized, my husband lost his job, I moved out as my marriage fell apart and my best friend was diagnosed with brain cancer.  It's been full of pain, sorrow, grief, self-doubt, numbness, anger, self-destruction and fear.  It's effected my family, my friendships, my motherhood, my creativity and my career.  And although some days I wasn't able to see life's gifts as they were presented, I'm starting to pull the cobwebs away and see light.  I've realized that within the darkness, small treasures lie waiting to be discovered.  

Lucca crushed the monkey bars.  He now can tie his shoes all on his own.  He loves walking on opposite sides of the street, proving his independence.  He learned how to read and write and can chop parsley like a boss.  I got the directors choice in a gallery show.  My best friend and I can still laugh at our inappropriate jokes and dish on life.  Through her illness, my friendships have a new richness as we navigate this journey together.  And yesterday I shot six rolls of film, which was the first day inspiration has found me since November.  These small gifts are lifting my spirit.

 

So, is this blog petty, inconsequential?  Only if I don't show up authentically.  I've hesitated blogging, because what I had to write wasn't happy or pretty.  But, if I'm not willing to be vulnerable and honest about my life, how can I ever ask that of others?  At the end of the day, this is life.  My life.