A long digression...

I need to digress a bit from posting photos, to tell a little story into my life as a full time mom.  I love my time with Lucca, I will always cherish being able to have such intimate time with him during his first years.  He is a big child.  He plays big.  He loves big.  He fights big.  He laughs big.  He cries big.  This is a story of how he pushes big.  I'm writing this because although it was one of the hardest moments I've had with him, it is also hilarious, sad, touching and a story I always want to remember.We started out on a secret mission.  I called it this to make going to get mommy a new pair of pants sound a little more exciting.  We made a deal that if he listened and stayed near me in the store, there would be a special surprise at the end.  He decided that special surprise should be a cupcake.  Great.  We get to Anthropologie and right away it's the battle of the quickest.  Who can find a pair of pants, or drive mom crazy quicker?  On we go to the dressing room.  I went to find my phone so he could play a game while I tried on my two pairs of pants, but it was in the car.  In the depths of my bag, I found two bouncy balls.  Immediately they were being bounced all around and I could quickly see that the goal was to get them to bounce out of the room.  I calmly told Lucca that if they went over the wall, they were gone until we were done in the dressing room.  Two seconds later, they were out of the room.  On to the next battle.  After several attempts to open the dressing room door, I told him if he opened the door one more time he was in time out.  That in itself is hilarious given we were in a tiny dressing room so time out really consisted of standing exactly where he already was.  But, time out it is.  Lucca didn't like this one bit, and what happened next I was not equipped to handle: "Lucca, you're in time out for opening the dressing room door"  says loving, slightly irritated mom. "I hate this"  yells deteriorating son. "Lucca, we don't use that word in our family"  firmly states embarrassed mom clearly hanging on by a thread. "You're STUPID, I HATE YOU YOU STUPID BUTTHEAD, I WILL KILLLLLL YOU!!!"  screams my completely possessed devil child.

At this point I was seeing red.  Here I was in the dressing room where everyone could clearly hear every word going on.  I wanted to quietly escape and leave him in the room for any other woman.  I firmly told Lucca we were leaving and when we got home he was going to spend some time in his room.  I also told him I was bummed because this now meant we couldn't go get a cupcake because he made poor choices.  Lucca wasn't having this, and he pulled out all the stops.

"MOM, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.  CAN YOU HEAR ME, WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME, I SAID YOU ARE SOOOOO BEAUUUUUTIFULLLLLL."  screams my pleading son.

I couldn't believe how smart he was.  Instead of the tantrum continuing with a spew of obscenities, he went straight for my heart.  Which could have worked, had it not been delivered in a scream so gutteral you could barely understand.  I will commend his feeble attempt though.

We walk out of Anthropologie, hand in hand, not talking.  I felt so humiliated, angry, sad, defeated and completely helpless. I really did need to return one shirt though, so off we go to H&M for a quick stop.  Lucca clearly knew he pushed his mom past her threshold and silently walked with me.  There were two people in line and soon people behind us.  As we waiting, Lucca finally spoke.

"Mama, you should apologize" he calmly said. What the hell just came out of his mouth.  Has he completely lost his mind?!?! "Lucca why should I apologize" I curiously ask. "You should say sorry for raising your voice" he reasons. I thought for a moment, completely aware that everyone around us was listening and none of them knew the junk show that just left Anthropologie.  Although I knew he was right, and I did raise my voice, all I could muster up was... "Lucca, that's not gonna happen."  end of conversation.

On the way home Lucca fell asleep.  He was tired, we both were.  By the time we got home, things were diffused and I felt less like giving him to the local church. I love him soooo much, but this day I was pushed to my utmost boundaries.  What I love most about this story, is how much it is Lucca.  Not that I think he's a brat with a potty mouth.  He's wicked smart, stubborn, creative, free spirited, full of life, a professional button pusher, so insanely loving and obviously great with words.  These qualities I'm eternally grateful for, through the good, the bad and the ugly.

Aaaand...a photo.